Heads up! Communication!
One of the biggest mistakes that we make while communicating with other people is misjudging their level of intellectual and moral development (the sophistication of their thinking) and choosing our communication method based on that level.
The psychologist L. Kohlberg described three main levels of moral development:
- pre-conventional level (the individual is driven by the pursuit of pleasure and the avoidance of pain);
- conventional level (individual’s reasoning is influenced by authority, convention, religion, etc.);
- post-conventional level — the individual has developed moral principles independently.
At the first level, the value of others is measured by the pleasure they provide and whether they leave a favourable impression. On the second level, your value depends on the degree to which you conform to prevailing norms, rules, and traditions; on the third, the degree to which you can think independently and act morally, even if all laws were repealed tomorrow, even in the absence of laws.
These stages of development are important to build effective communication. In my experience, communicating directly (on a conceptual level) with others whose moral development remains at the basic levels is ineffective and even is not safe. You might even be perceived as offensive.
On the other hand, we all, of course, tend to regress in stressful situations, for instance when we are ill or sad. Variations are possible even in one highly developed individual. Therefore, if somebody is sad, tired, or sick — it is probably better to choose the appropriate method to avoid misunderstanding, not to cause more anguish than they already are experiencing.
Also, I noticed that, for instance, some men and women can behave as “post-conventional individuals” while communicating with the same gender, and might regress to the lower level with the opposite gender.
Don’t be led astray by somebody’s social status or intelligence; instead, pay attention to the way they communicate with the opposite gender and with those who depend on them.
